Week 3 - The Honest Mirror

Seeing Yourself Without Filters

Series: Self-Reflection & Self-Leadership for Project Managers (Week 3/6)

---

As a big fan of American football today’s story will be about a football player, and his self-reflection.

Jayden Daniels a young quarterback for the Washington Commanders recently did an interview and got a question about his appearance on the field. He has been celebrated for being “steady under pressure.” Calm, smiling, composed and he carries that label like a medal. But he has also been questioned for it, critics whispering a different story, saying he is distant, hard to read, always calm, but never connected and that he seems to be somewhat disengaged.

As a pro quarterback in the NFL you get this feedback whether you want it or not, through all the media keeping their eyes on the game and the players. When confronted with it he didn’t recognize himself and felt misunderstood or betrayed. How could calmness and composure, something he had worked so hard to master be misunderstood as detachment? In this situation it is easy to do what most of us do when we receive the uncomfortable truth, defend ourself internally, explain away the feedback, quickly respond and use rehearsed counterarguments stemming from the reptile brain we all have inside us. But when the interviewer asked the question she also handed him an old article he had once written during his time in college, already the he had reflected over the question and how he was being perceived by others. In the article he wrote that behind the smile and the calm was a highly competitive player, highly engaged and going 100% on every play, pushing himself to constantly improve.

He had most likely at one point in time sat down and reflected, asking himself, What if they’re right? What if I’ve built calmness as a shield, not a bridge to greater achievement?

To ask you these questions can mark the beginning of your real self-reflection, not the kind that confirms what you already believe, but the kind that dismantles your belief and goes deeper.

---

A thought model to try today

If you want to test your own mirror, and make sure it’s not flattering but clarifying, start with this short exercise.
At the end of your next workday, write a short entry with two lines:

“What story am I telling myself about how I showed up today?”
“What story might someone else tell about me today?”

Don’t seek to find confirmation; seek to find contrast. The value in this exercise lies in spotting the possible differences. If you do this exercise over time, you might find that the space between those two (or more) stories will narrow, and that narrowing is what integrity feels like from the inside.

When your self-perception begins to align with the way others actually experience you, you have performed your self-reflection and turned it into practicing self-management.

---

Below we will take a look at a trap door of self-reflection and also reason around the integrity loop to keep your course…and you will also receive a downloadable worksheet.